Grow(ing)

“If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we are apart, I’ll always be with you.” –Winnie the Pooh

Life as we know it is forever changed.

Let me start off by saying that in the past 7 months, I have grown more as a person, mom, and wife than I could’ve ever imagined.  After composing, re-composing, and deleting, I couldn’t quite find the words that really expressed the feelings that I was feeling. I have come here to spill my feelings many times these past few months, but it didn’t really make any sense. 

“It would be nice if something made sense for a change.” –Alice in Wonderland

Until a few days ago.

Kenny and I were sitting in the living room and we were just talking, us two.  I came across an article on Facebook (and if you know me at all, you know I read a ton of articles all over the internet).  This particular one was a combination of children’s book quotes that were such simple concepts, yet they held broader and deeper meanings that even some of us adults can’t comprehend. 

So, as I blog I am going to (and have already) insert some of my favorite quotes that really touched my heart when it comes to our journey with Lincoln.  (and yes, I say WITH because he is still teaching us so much)

“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.” –Anne Frank

Kenny and I have made it a point to surround ourselves with people that fill us up with nothing but good feelings.  It’s really easy to be sad and angry.  The challenging part is trying to rise up and look at the good and see the blessings in our lives.  So, it’s even more crucial that we hold onto people that lift us up and encourage happiness.  People that bring sunshine into our hearts. 

Piglet: “How do you spell love?”

Pooh: “You don’t spell it, you feel it.”

Since Lincoln has been born, so much has happened.  We have welcomed a new addition to the family, Vincent (our cat).  We have planted new things around our yard.  We have resumed our “family” dinners with friends.  I have taken on a new, and exciting job.  We have continued to bother our neighbors with dropping in, chit-chatting, and stealing whatever food they’re making for dinner. J We have got to grow with another baby born the exact same day as him, which has been so special.  We have been honored to be a part of some of our dearest and closest friends’ weddings, which we just soaked up all the time we could.  We have traveled to two different states, back-to-back months, to visit my brothers and sister-in-laws, which is something that we definitely needed. 

Life is still happening. 

It’s hard to believe that it’s going on without him, but what I’ve come to realize is that it’s going on BECAUSE of him.  Maybe I don’t cry as much, but I recognize the times that are the most precious.  I laugh harder and love bigger.  The appreciation for life is something I never want to let go of. 

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” –Dr. Suess

I still look at the growth, in just 7 months, that he has caused in Kenny and I’s marriage.  Thankfully, not every marriage will experience such a loss at any time of life, and I wish no one ever had to.  Despite the hard times, I’m proud of us.  The pain cuts deep and the wounds are still raw.  “How can we go on with life again” was something that was constantly running through my mind.  There were moments where we didn’t even recognize each other.  Moments when we were both hurting so bad that it was hard to find each other.  We haven’t yet overcome the feeling of loss and the heartache of losing our baby boy, but we have traveled the road together, and that’s what I think Lincoln would’ve wanted.  Despite the grief doubts, this has been nothing short of what the Big Man intended for Kenny and I to experience together, and in every way I am thankful for our trials and tribulations, sharing our weaknesses together, and rising above what could ruin a relationship.  Those hard, tear-filled moments were the ones that have lead us to the strength we’ve grown to know today.

“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.” –Little Women

Thank you, Lincoln.  For your legacy lives within this Burkhead family.  Your big sister is STILL drawing all of her family pictures with you included.  You are a constant in my day-to-day life, and I am not ashamed to talk about you and the moments you were here and alive, and even the moments that you’ve touched since you’ve been gone.   

“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” –Peter Pan

xoxo